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i can pull a rip van winkle with the best of em

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Oct. 17th, 2005 | 07:11 pm
mood: energeticenergetic
music: Club 977

wow, 11 days dissapear quickly, thats for sure. i might have lost them like a set of keys but im not sure, havent found em yet. heres a few runon sentances ill look back and use for thearpy later, enjoy. in all of my upbrining, i was always taught to selflessly give, sometimes to the point of it hurting. not physically mind you however take what you need and pass the rest on. so living paycheck to paycheck was totally ok and the desire for anything more never really struck. this is very odd, considering the salary of the very person that helped raise me. im not gonna lie, its bigger than anyone would think. much bigger. anyway, his love is measured in giving money which at first seems ok to some but wow does that lead to an empty life. it also makes it hard to ask for more from life itself. just recently i worked my ass off for a lawyers office redoing their data network. new hardware, servers, the whole 10 yards. and when they asked for a bill, i was just dumbfounded. granted, they were friends of the family but i was assuming i was doing it on the cheap, because of the family connection and to me, all that crap is not work. i about shit myself when they had to call tech support for a software package and were charged $50 and hour. holy crap. it showed me how little i value what work i do, and its not just networking. those fucking xboxs too. in true indiana jones fashion, i put the cog into place and it just made the whole thing work. i undervalue my work, which shows people i dont value myself. since i charge less than the market standard, they assume its cheap work. quite on the contrary, i let my work speak for itself and when problems arise, they get taken care of. but this cheapening of value makes me so jaded because i bust my ass for peanuts on the dollar. see xbox modding. i charge a nominal fee for the job but i guess its not enough deep down because i dont have the enthusiasm i use to. dont even get me started on ps2s. part if it might be that its nothing new but it doesnt feel like a job, hence, i dont feel i should be paid. this sexy circle makes for something any self respecting therapist would want to tackle cuz of the job security. the cog to my puzzle came when i tallied up and finally sent the bill to the lawyers office. not to throw out too many numbers but lets say we go with the over the phone help payrate, 50/hr, for network setup, administration and config. whole thing took like 30 hours id say, roughly. 1500. nice little check sure but i didnt even bring home half that because i felt bad. fyi, normal boring network admin stuff can go as high as 200/hr. that shit just BLOWS MY MIND. why the hell do i bother with a legal, IRS approved, job?? ;) because i enjoy it and its not work to me. not yet anyway. to put a nice little end to this, i was told if i dont think im worth the job and cant take the money because i enjoy it, get a job i hate and gladly take the money. yeah, i still work retail.. not for too much longer tho, school is almost dooooone :D

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