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first post in nov.. by 3 min

Nov. 1st, 2006 | 12:12 am
mood: discontentdiscontent
music: Protricity - Remixed Super Metroid Soundtrack

what have i always said, i resort to the LJ when i need to type and things need to come out. its been a great few months, or however long since the last update but this are coming to a climax, a cusp if you will. this is the last semester of school and i pretty much maxed myself out because i wanted to get this crap done. and thats the problem, not being busy or maxed out, but im still.. fucking.. waiting. biding my time until graduation. besides all the bullshit in the news, having this in front of my face for well over a year and not being able to grasp at it, is the most frustrating thing i can think of. ive also been struggling with this line i have found, a line in the sand. all the time during elementary school, we were always told to pick something to be when we grow up. when we grow up.. when does that actually happen? where is this point that i can look back and say, yes, then i was a child but now i am an adult. it seems so definite that it is freaky at times. this has nothing to do with maturity in the least, rather, a solid point in time that you consider yourself an adult. not just any adult because thats easy, if your reading this your an 'adult'. but rather an adult in your eyes when you were in grade school. is it when you graduate from high school? graduation? move out? start a family? jesus, the little stuff that keeps me up at night.

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what to think when it all goes to hell

Mar. 4th, 2006 | 03:39 am
mood: calmcalm
music: groove salad

right now is one of the most calm moments of my life. i started the school semester easily and it quickly grew into a mass of chaos that i handled but it always felt just barely out of reach. not days or weeks of having a grasp on things, but quite litterly hours. right now however, im excited to get back to that because it means i will be that much closer to finishing up school. right now, i can handle anything with problem or fail. big or small, it would just take some planning and resources. not recieving perfect scores doesnt bother me right now because in the long run it doesnt matter. i can handle whatever will be thrown at me until the next time im perfectly calm. when i get back, there are a lot of things to get done but with organization and persistence, it will be done. i also need to rework how i handle the entire xbox mafia. it has quickly gotten out of hand with ppl calling me over dumb shit when i dont have time to be sparing to simple questions that a google search, or less, could have found. i will deal less with the mafia and work, a touch less with school and hunt for a career job/internship. ive been holding myself back from really achieving what i should be recieving. in this near perfect state of calm, i can see that right now, but when the shit gets thick, it will be lost again. this is why im writing this, a reminder if you will, of my thoughts right now. a reminder that, when it all goes to hell, ive seen what i need to do, and to not lose my way. almost sounds like a religious thing but rest assured its not.. it just makes sense in my head. i need less time in front of the computer, aimlessly waiting for news to happen and take a proactive approach to learning new things, meeting new people, and searching for that next step. this is what i will remember.

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against all logic, an update appears

Jan. 29th, 2006 | 12:07 am
mood: happyhappy

wonderful day, today was. slept well, had lunch with lauren, ran around saginaw like an old married couple looking for a vaccum cleaner and ended up reading odd advise from an overly proud male. and aparently, cutters cut because they can define the physical pain. it has a beginning and an end; unlike much of their nameless emotional pain that has no definition. i turned down other events for the evening because i havent had much alone time past few weeks and its feeling good. kameo is treating me well, blowing thru it kinda fast but its a good change of pace to the 100+ hour games ill never start. that is all.

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how far does this rabbit hole go?

Dec. 16th, 2005 | 07:39 pm
mood: numbnumb

another breaking day, one that i dont know where the trainwreck started. but sadly, i know how it ended; with the phrase "i wont do this anymore". pathetically. over a txt msg. try to be civil to the girl but good lord that doesnt work; she doesnt know how to accept it. so she doesnt. how long can someone be coaxed into doing something, only to be stuck in the head with an object. then again. then again. the problem was, sadly, my hope and willingness to graciously accept. just that quick.

theres always more but i dont feel like typing, maybe writing

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(no subject)

Dec. 13th, 2005 | 03:17 am
mood: calmcalm
music: norah jones

8:09 out of bed
8:34 out of shower, surfing
8:39 ready for class, leaving
11:46 home from class
11:47 surfing/xmas shopping stuff
1:02p snack
1:05 roscoe xbox
1:19 animal crossing/xbox
2:15 phonecall david
2:29 david end, resume surfing/ordering
2:50 outside with niki
3:00 back inside
3:34 picking up/cleaning room/roscoe xbox
4:12 surfing/xmas shopping
5:00 food
5:07 surfing/cleaning/xbox
530 bathroom
557 surfing
606 psp
617 class
851 home from class/surfing/chatting/roscoe xbox
1107 updating LJ
1110 reading harry potter
1200 sleep
705 wakeup/shower
741 out of shower/getting ready for work
750 out the door for work
511 out of work/sams club
513 ran into amanda
532 called bobby
537 ended call bobby/called nick
554 ended call
608 out of sams, headed to midland
638pm home from work/food/surfing
747 barbell problems
805 gave up on eyebrow/surfing/chatting/roscoe xbox
951 shower
1027 snack
1040 my name is earl
1104 study
1127 drink/harry potter
1143 jason call
1150 done/reading
1158 study
1221 drink
1223 froze ass off outside getting xboxs/other stuff from car
1230 chatting
106 xbox work/organizing/cleaning
228 get ready to sleep/sleep

935 up/shower
1000 out of shower/surf
1010 dressed/food
1040 out the door for work
1110 work
752 home from work/food/surfing
826 headed to bay city for movie
903 in bc
908 study
1015 nardia
123 home from movie
125 surfing
156 study
238 bed

829 out/getting ready
833 food/out the door
946 home/surfing/xbox
1025 garrys mod!
1115 animal crossing
1155 xbox stuff
1223 psp pop
1246 garrys mod
107 getting ready for work
117 out the door
1029 out of work, frostie with nick
1140 home
1141 garrys mod
1243 surfing/family guy
208 prince of persia
225 harry potter
239 bed
131 awake/shower
201 out of shower/surfing
213 getting ready/heading out to saginaw
753 home from sagiaw/surfing
813 dinner
835 surfing/garrys mod
910 surfing
915 fresh prince
1015 in town errands
1111 back/harry potter
1206 snack
1211 hp
1235 xbox networking
206 fresh prince/surfing
230 updating xbmc
259 my name is earl
340 hp
412 bed

1206 out of bed
1235 out of shower/surfing
115 getting ready for work/headed out
1226 home/surfing

bah, screw the formatting... you get the idea. now, hopefully ill be compiling a profound list, maybe even some pie charts (dont count on it) so i can digest where the wasted time goes. wasted is a variable term, its all relative. kinda like when you get a paycheck, and in a few days its all gone already. well, most of it went to bills im assuming, but i wanted to see how much each day i did things. surfing is a pretty big time killer it looks like already.... tisk tisk ryan

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attention! testicles.. that is all

Dec. 11th, 2005 | 08:07 pm
mood: cheerfulcheerful

ive been thinking long and hard about how depressing lj can be and how its more of a sounding board than anything, so ive decided to disable comments for the simple fact that i would only write posts with the hopes of garnishing large amounts of comments, hopefully something funny. but it soon started to worry me when i wouldnt so im making it easier on myself and disabling comments... its sorta like a relationship breakup.. its not you, its me. i loved the comments but id only write with the hopes of getting some, and i think thats the wrong way to write or to open up. if you do feel a sudden urge to comment, and its not gas, aim, email, phone call.. it all still works. maybe now ill post more often?

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ah to live the slow life

Dec. 7th, 2005 | 11:06 pm
mood: accomplishedaccomplished

8:09am out of bed
8:34 out of shower, surfing
8:39 ready for class, leaving
11:46 home from class
11:47 surfing/xmas shopping stuff
1:02pm snack
1:05 roscoe xbox
1:19 animal crossing/roscoe xbox
2:15 phonecall david
2:29 davids call ends, resume surfing/ordering
2:50 outside with niki/get mail
3:00 back inside
3:34 picking up/cleaning room/roscoe xbox
4:12 surfing/xmas shopping
5:00 food
5:07 surfing/cleaning/xbox
5:30 bathroom
5:57 surfing
6:06 psp
6:17 class
8:51 home from class/surfing/chatting/roscoe xbox
11:07 updating LJ

gonna be some reading and sleeping later.. count on it!

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the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be

Dec. 7th, 2005 | 01:25 am
mood: amusedamused

so i was sitting in the car with my friend nick, and i think somewhere after the uncircumsized penis conversation but before the "she brought me ranch, therefor she must be the best at somethings" conversation, i was going on about budgeting stuff like money. realizing i have no need to budget for the time being, i said i had a rough time budgeting time. long story short, and some ranch with chicken later, were keeping track of our daily times that we waste away. this will be interesting to see, ive got a bad feeling i waste too much time in front of this moniter. so, i needed a place to keep the previous days schedules, so here it is, for the entire world to see. wonder where your time goes? i urge others to try it, just after day 1 (out of prolly 7, dont think i could handle seeing that much wasted time), i can already tell its gonna be rough....

Tues Dec 6th-

11:30am wakeup to friend toni calling
11:45 shower
12:20 online
12:28 toni phone call again
1:13pm par/rar movie for soldering, messing w/ warrior dvd
1:44 soldering
3:00 chatting online and testing solders
3:32 back to soldering
5:03 getting ready to leave for saginaw
5:18 leave for saginaw
5:57 arrive saginaw
6:18 leaving for frankenmuth
6:58 arrive frankenmuth
9:38 back in saginaw

Weds Dec 7th-

12:02am leaving saginaw
12:35 arrive midland
12:40 surfing
1:29 posting LJ

still tonite is gonna be read a chapter out of harry potter so thatll rock. i didnt time what i did outside the house mainly because im already doing something. for example, in saginaw, i bought animal crossing ds (fucking W00t!!!!!), went to frankenmuth to play some games and hung out at joes. when its all done, ill add up the time spent in each activity and realize i need to prolly sleep less.

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i hate lj

Nov. 12th, 2005 | 02:29 am
mood: depresseddepressed

its moments like these i despise lj for the simple fact that its not face to face with someone. its 230am and i a bout of doubt and depression has hit. damnit i want someone to talk to and its not lj material... which means its specific. *sigh* have a good nite ladies and gentleman.

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w00t, i have pants

Nov. 9th, 2005 | 03:16 pm
mood: amusedamused

so i cant believe how freakin rich the somerset mall is in the detroit area. most normal stores we think of in a mall arent even ALLOWED there because it would lower the value. but on the plus side i got some new pants! and a shirt and an awesome windchime. and i do mean awesome. not at somerset tho, great lakes crossing.

ive got a presentation for the worst class ever(tm) tonite.. not that its hard but the dread from the teacher not actually knowing what is going on. the presentations are extra credit for the test that we just had that she couldnt prepare us for. so, to compensate for her mistakes, we need to do her job and teach a part of the chapter. my biggest enemy is going to be boredom.

i think its offically crunch time for homework. those semester long projects i learned about during week 1 are popping up now and being the professional i am... have done nothing to start em. way to be a rock star. but best of all, its the same class that i have not only pulled one 100% test, but two! rock star indeed.

maybe more later.. fyi.. this is the most formating i tihnk ive ever used in a lj post.

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